Riding the Waves of Change: Healing Before and After the Painful Shift

Let’s be honest, change hurts. Whether it’s a relationship ending, shifting, or just feeling “different,” it can shake everything we thought we knew about ourselves and the people we love. But here’s the thing: pain doesn’t always mean something’s gone wrong. Sometimes, it’s just the heart’s way of saying, “It’s time to grow.”

Before the Shift, When You Feel It Coming

We often know before we know. Maybe it’s the distance in conversations, the shorter patience, or the sense that something feels off. This is what I call the pre-painful shift, that uneasy space where things aren’t breaking, but they aren’t working either.

In this space, we might start blaming, avoiding, or shutting down. But the truth is, this is the moment to pause and turn inward. Ask yourself:

• What’s really happening inside me right now?

• Am I trying to fix the relationship instead of understanding myself?

• What do I actually need to feel safe and connected?

Looking inward isn’t easy, it can feel uncomfortable and raw. But it’s also where healing begins.

After the Shift, The Heart Hangover

Once the shift happens, maybe there’s been a fight, a separation, or a painful realisation, you might feel lost. That’s okay. The “post-painful shift” is about sitting with what’s real instead of rushing to fix it.

This is where reflection can help you rebuild from the inside out:

• What did I learn about myself through this experience?

• How can I show myself kindness instead of judgment?

• What would it look like to move forward, not just move on?

Sometimes the biggest growth comes when we stop trying to go back to how things were and start asking how we can grow into something better.

Pain Isn’t the End, It’s the Turning Point

The painful shift doesn’t have to break you. It can build you,  gently, slowly, and honestly. Every uncomfortable emotion you face is a message pointing you toward healing.

You don’t need to go through it alone. Talking with a counsellor can help you unpack what’s underneath the pain and find a sense of direction again. Change may be hard, but it’s also the place where transformation begins.