How Men’s Behaviour Change Programs Work – And How They Help Me Change

As a counsellor working with men who have used violence in their relationships, I often meet people at a crossroads. Many of them are struggling to understand how things got to this point — how their relationships have broken down, how the people they care about have become afraid of them, or why they feel stuck in patterns of anger, control, and shame.

Men’s Behaviour Change Programs (MBCPs) are designed to respond to exactly that place. They’re not quick fixes. They’re not just anger management. They are structured, evidence-informed programs that provide men with the opportunity to take responsibility for their actions and begin the work of real, lasting change.

What is an MBCP?

A Men’s Behaviour Change Program is a therapeutic and educational intervention for men who have used violence — physical, emotional, verbal, financial, sexual, or psychological — in their relationships. These programs usually run in group settings, although individual work can sometimes be offered as a lead-in or when group attendance isn’t suitable.

At its heart, an MBCP isn’t about blaming. It’s about accountability. It’s about truthfully exploring the impact of a man’s behaviour on his partner, children, and family — and working through what needs to shift in his thinking, beliefs, and actions to ensure safety, respect, and non-violence become central to how he lives and relates to others.

What Happens in a Program?

Each program may look slightly different depending on the organisation, but most include the following key components:

• Assessment and engagement: This is where we talk one-on-one and explore what’s going on — not just the behaviour, but the history, the context, and the readiness to change.

• Group sessions: In the group room, men hear from each other. They learn to name what they’ve done, confront minimising or justifying narratives, and understand the impacts of their actions — especially on children.

• Psychoeducation: We unpack topics like gender, power and control, emotional regulation, parenting, respectful communication, and healthy relationships.

• Reflection and accountability: Throughout the program, we keep asking men to reflect deeply — “What did I do? What impact did it have? What do I need to take responsibility for?”

• Partner contact and safety: A key part of MBCP work is ensuring the safety of women and children. Partner contact workers support the (ex)partner with safety planning and emotional support. This is not just about supporting the man — it’s about ensuring the people around him are safe and informed.

How Does Change Happen?

Change starts when a man stops blaming others and starts being honest with himself. This doesn’t happen overnight.

In counselling, I often say: “The opposite of violence isn’t just calmness — it’s respect. It’s empathy. It’s giving space. It’s listening even when it’s hard.”

Many of the men I work with begin the program unsure if they even belong there. Some are mandated by court. Others come because their partner or family is at breaking point. But the ones who stay — who really lean in — begin to see things they couldn’t see before.

They learn:

• That their behaviour was a choice.

• That their anger doesn’t justify their actions.

• That their children are watching and learning.

• That change is possible — but only if they are willing to do the work.

What Men Often Say After Completing the Program

“I used to think I was just a yeller. Now I know I was scaring my family. I never saw it that way before.”

“I thought I was in control, but I was actually out of control.”

“This program made me stop and look at myself — not just as a partner, but as a father and a man.”

These aren’t just statements — they’re turning points. And they often come after months of challenging work, confronting truths, and sitting in uncomfortable conversations.

Final Thoughts – Why It Matters

Men’s Behaviour Change Programs aren’t about making men feel bad — they’re about helping men do better. They’re about giving space for honest self-reflection, the opportunity to learn new tools, and the challenge to take real responsibility.

As a counsellor, I’ve seen men who were deeply stuck find a new way forward — not just for themselves, but for their partners, their children, and future generations.

If you’re a man who’s ready to stop the cycle, ready to take a hard look at your actions, and ready to start building a respectful, safe way of being — this work is for you.

And you don’t have to do it alone.