How Individual Counselling Can Create Behavioural Change in Men Who Use Domestic Violence

Domestic and family violence remains one of the most significant social and public health issues in Australia. While group-based interventions are often referenced in public conversations, individual counselling plays a critical and sometimes overlooked role in supporting genuine behavioural change in men who use violence.

Individual counselling provides a structured, accountable, and personalised space where men can explore their behaviour, take responsibility, and develop safer ways of relating. For many men, it is the first setting where honest reflection becomes possible.

The Scale of the Issue

Australian data highlights the urgency of effective and responsive interventions. Around one in four women have experienced physical or sexual violence by an intimate partner since the age of 15. Research also indicates that a significant proportion of men report having used emotional, psychological, or physical violence in intimate relationships at some point in their lives. Emotional abuse and coercive control are the most common forms of domestic violence and are often present long before physical violence occurs.

Many men who use violence also experience overlapping challenges such as trauma histories, substance use, mental health difficulties, or problems with emotional regulation. These complexities underline the need for approaches that address individual drivers of behaviour rather than relying solely on standardised responses.

Why Individual Counselling Matters

Violent or controlling behaviour does not emerge in isolation. It is often reinforced over time through learned beliefs, emotional coping patterns, and relationship dynamics. Individual counselling allows these factors to be explored in depth and at a pace that matches the individual’s readiness and capacity.

Unlike group settings, individual counselling creates space to focus fully on one person’s behaviour, accountability, and change process. This can be particularly important for men who are ambivalent, defensive, or not yet ready to engage openly in a group environment.

Accountability Without Anonymity

One of the strengths of individual counselling is the absence of anonymity. Responsibility cannot be diluted or deflected through group dynamics. Patterns of minimisation, justification, or blame can be identified and addressed directly and consistently.

Research consistently shows that acknowledgement of harm and personal responsibility are essential for meaningful behavioural change. Individual counselling provides the relational safety needed to support this work while maintaining a clear focus on accountability and impact.

Emotional Regulation at the Core of Change

Many men who use violence struggle to recognise, tolerate, and regulate strong emotions such as anger, shame, fear, or jealousy. Studies suggest that emotional flooding and impulsivity significantly increase the risk of violent behaviour during periods of conflict or stress.

Individual counselling supports men to identify emotional triggers early, slow reactive responses, and develop alternative coping strategies. Over time, improved emotional regulation reduces reliance on aggression or control as a way of managing distress.

Challenging Beliefs That Sustain Violence

Violence is often supported by belief systems that justify or excuse behaviour. These may include beliefs about entitlement, control, gender roles, or responsibility for conflict. Individual counselling allows these beliefs to be examined closely and challenged respectfully but firmly.

As beliefs shift, men can begin to develop healthier expectations of relationships that are based on mutual respect, shared responsibility, and recognition of their partner’s autonomy. Research indicates that changes in attitudes are closely linked to reductions in violent behaviour, particularly when addressed in a personalised therapeutic context.

Supporting Different Stages of Readiness

Not all men are ready for group-based interventions. Individual counselling is particularly effective for men who are in early stages of change, men who are resistant or ambivalent, or men managing additional barriers such as trauma, anxiety, cultural considerations, or literacy challenges.

Individual counselling may operate as a stand-alone intervention, a preparatory step toward group programs, or a parallel support alongside legal or child protection processes. This flexibility allows engagement to begin earlier and reduces the risk of disengagement.

What the Evidence Shows

Research into interventions for men who use violence indicates that outcomes improve when approaches are tailored to individual needs and when co-occurring issues such as mental health or substance use are addressed. One-size-fits-all models are less effective for complex presentations, while sustained, individualised engagement is associated with improved self-awareness, emotional regulation, and relationship functioning.

While no intervention guarantees change, evidence suggests that men who engage meaningfully in individual counselling demonstrate reduced risk factors associated with further violence.

Individual Counselling Is Not Soft on Violence

There is a common misconception that individual counselling is less rigorous than group-based approaches. In practice, effective individual counselling maintains a strong focus on responsibility, safety, and behavioural impact. It does not collude with excuses or minimise harm.

When delivered well, individual counselling is both compassionate and confronting. This balance is essential for long-term behavioural change and increased safety for partners and families.

Final Reflection

Behavioural change in men who use domestic violence is possible, but it requires depth, accountability, and sustained effort. Individual counselling offers a powerful pathway by addressing the underlying drivers of behaviour rather than focusing only on surface actions.

By supporting responsibility, emotional regulation, belief change, and self-awareness, individual counselling can contribute meaningfully to reduced harm, increased safety, and healthier relationships over time.